Escape to Giddywell Grange Page 5

  ‘The people that you have working in the team here are bloody good people and this is how you treat them? They don’t deserve it. I don’t want to work for a company like this and certainly not for a person like you.’

  She was bright red in the face, furious with me, I don’t think anyone can ever have spoken to her like that in her life.

  She went to speak but I held my hand up, palm towards her, to silence her. ‘Let me stop you there!’

  And I picked up my handbag from the side of my desk, grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair and walked out of the double entrance doors to Gym Fit for the last time.

  * * *

  I couldn’t face going back to the apartment, so I dropped the car off into my parking space and decided to go for a walk to cheer myself up. I couldn’t believe that in less than a week, I was out of work again. There was a children’s park just down the road from the development and I found myself heading there as I did so often when I needed to clear my head. Sitting on an empty bench overlooking the play area probably wasn’t one of my brightest ideas. A pretty little girl in denim shorts and a flowery long-sleeved t-shirt played in the sandpit while her mum took her phone out and snapped lots of pictures. The daughter ran up to her mum and chuckling, flung her arms around her neck and threw her body weight at her. Her mum laughed as she fell backwards and they hugged tightly and she showered her mum with kisses.

  It felt like a stab to the heart and a lone tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about what might have been, if my life had turned out differently. Whether I’d have made a good mum. It was a question I asked myself many times.

  That first tear must have broken the seal, and more streamed uncontrollably as reality started to sink in. I had no job. I had no children. Nothing to get up for. No purpose in life. That panicked feeling came crashing over me again and I grabbed onto the bench for support.

  A cold, wet nose nudged my hand and I looked down to see a beautiful furry face staring at me.

  ‘Excuse me for poking my nose in, but are you ok, my lovely?’

  I turned my head towards the sound of a woman’s voice, and had been so deep in my misery that I hadn’t even noticed that someone had joined me on the bench. I soon realised that it was the dog-walking lady that I saw sometimes from my window. She was older close-up than I’d originally thought, but even prettier than she looked from a distance. Her blonde hair was swept back Grace Kelly style in a sleek clip, revealing naturally high cheekbones and perfect rosebud lips.

  I tried to speak, but nothing came out and my breath just wouldn’t come.

  ‘Just breathe, my dear. Deep breaths; look at me and do it with me. In, two, three. And out, two, three. And again. In, two, three. And out, two, three.’

  She took my hand and smiled at me as I looked at her intently and after a few seconds of repeating what she told me to do, my breathing steadied and finally I felt able to speak.

  ‘Thank you. So kind of you. I’m not sure what came over me.’

  ‘Well something has certainly upset you. I live just round the corner. Why don’t you come and sit in my garden and I’ll make you a nice hot sweet cup of tea? It looks like you need one. Perhaps you might want to talk about what’s upset you. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. But if you don’t want to share, you can just sit and gather yourself together.’

  ‘Thank you so much, but please don’t let me interrupt the rest of your afternoon. I’ll be fine honestly.’

  She picked up my jacket and my handbag from the bench and handed them to me.

  ‘You are far from fine, young lady, you are shaking like a leaf and you are not interrupting anything at all. I was only popping to the shop anyway for something to do to fill my time. Sometimes in life, we need a little helping hand and this afternoon I’d like to be yours. I’m Alice, by the way.’ She tucked her arm into mine and lead the way steadily. I was glad of her support as I was still feeling a little wobbly, and introduced myself.

  Just around the corner, tucked away, was the prettiest little picture postcard cottage I had ever seen. We walked through a low gate and along a winding path weaving through a small but perfectly formed front garden full of glorious flowers in bloom, to a vintage green front door. Just being in that garden was making me feel a whole lot calmer.

  ‘If you want to take yourself through to the back garden, go through that side gate, I’ll be round in a minute or two.’

  I walked through the big gate, which looked like it led to a secret garden. Taking a seat, I looked around me and noticed that it flowed effortlessly into another beautiful garden space, with a vegetable patch at the bottom, a small pond and a decking area with outside seating. I listened to the wooden wind chimes tinkling away as I turned my head towards the warm early spring sun. My breath slowed down to somewhere near normal and I felt much steadier.

  ‘Here you go, tea and biccies. My grandmother used to swear that it solved everything.’ She placed a tray with two pretty Emma Bridgewater mugs and a plate with a selection of biscuits on the table and my tummy rumbled as I realised I never had got around to eating lunch today. The golden Cockerpoo I was so used to seeing her walking was now scampering around her legs.

  ‘You really are very kind, Alice. Thank you.’ I put my hand down and ruffled the fur on the dog’s head.

  ‘Ah, it’s a pleasure to help. I lost my husband suddenly earlier this year and I’ve had times when I’ve been out and had a little panic attack and not known what to do with myself. I wish that someone had helped me, so I wanted to stop and help you. You looked like you were having a bad day!’ She passed me the plate and told me to help myself. I was actually quite starving. Sadly, I was not one of those people that went off their food when a trauma occurred. There wasn’t much that would put me off eating, which is probably why I was an ample size fourteen. Something else that Jamie always wanted to change – encouraging me to go to the gym all the time.

  ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, it must be hard to adapt.’ I picked up my tea and took a sip. Hot and sweet, just how I liked it.

  ‘It is. We’d just celebrated our Ruby wedding anniversary when I lost him. I wake up sometimes and forget he’s gone. When I reach over to touch him, it hits me all over again. Good job I’ve got this little monster here to make me get up in the morning or some days I’m not sure I’d actually leave my bed.’ She stroked the Cockerpoo tenderly on the head and passed him a treat, which she had also brought out on the tray. ‘Baxter here keeps me sane, don’t you, my darling?’

  ‘So do you want to talk about what’s upset you, or would you rather not? Sometimes it helps to talk things through though.’ Baxter surprised me by jumping up onto my lap and snuggling down for a cuddle. He really was a cutie.

  Alice smiled. ‘Dogs always seem to sense when someone is upset.’

  I tickled him gently behind his ears as he nuzzled his head further into my hand and as I smiled at him, he looked up and I’m sure he winked at me. ‘Well, I don’t really know where to start, to be honest. I’ve recently been made redundant, applied for two jobs, got turned down for one and taken on at another, which was the worst job I’ve ever had and about an hour ago I walked out on that. I’ve given my life to my last company for twelve years and I’ve never walked out of a job. And to be honest, I really don’t know what I’m going to do.’

  I could feel myself welling up again. Hearing it all out in the open made me realise again how crappy my life was.

  Since being made redundant, I had been struggling with the feeling that I just wasn’t needed anywhere, and I had come to realise that this was something that was really important to me in life. Without it, I felt bereft. When I was at work, someone always needed me. If it wasn’t the sales department asking about sales figures or budgets, it was the creative department, needing to know what artwork and text should look like. And Celine needed me. She had no idea who our best clients were, or who was lined up for future projects and sometimes she just needed me to boost
her ego and make her feel better, but since the day I walked out the door, no one had needed me.

  Redundant. The word was so harsh, so final. I looked it up in the dictionary and it said that the definition was: ‘Not or no longer needed. Superfluous to requirements. Unwanted.’

  I couldn’t imagine crueller words? No wonder my self-esteem had taken a bit of a dent.

  I’d found the transition between working all the time and then not having a permanent job really hard. My phone never rang. My emails never pinged. God, it was so quiet and I wasn’t used to it at all.

  Right now, I felt as if I was worth absolutely nothing. And I kept coming back to the question of why Ronington’s hadn’t fought harder for me to stay. How could you give your all to a company, for them to just get rid of you at the drop of a hat? I was devastated that I’d been treated this way after everything I’d put into the business. Didn’t all those hours and all that dedication count for anything? I clearly can’t have been the person I thought I was. Perhaps I was just deluded. I obviously wasn’t capable enough for them to want or need me. I must have been totally useless for them to let me go completely. I must be, or surely the hair company would have taken me on and the gym job would have worked out. I’d never felt more confused or let down, and I didn’t know if it was me or them.

  And then there was the guilt I felt. Could I have done more to help our jobs survive? Had I let people down by not doing enough to keep things together? Was it all my fault? Poor Alice, I’m glad I didn’t blurt all of that out. I didn’t want to burden her too much so was glad those thoughts were all in my head.

  ‘Do you know Madison; I’ve learned that there are two ways to look at everything since I lost my Des. You can sit and wallow, or you can see everything as a chance that’s been given to you, that some people never get… and that’s what I’ve chosen to do. While we think we are having a bad time, there are others in the world who are taking their last breath and I try to remember that and be grateful that I’m still here with a life to live. I firmly believe that we owe it to those not as lucky as we are to live it to the full. And for you my dear, yes, this must have come as a terrible shock, but maybe when that wears off, you’ll see it as an opportunity to do something different with your future.

  ‘I’m going to visit my sister Emily in a week’s time in Australia. She’s been there for years and has sent a ticket for me to go over. I’ve never been before and I am so looking forward to seeing her. Although my blooming dog-sitter has just cancelled on me, but sorting that out is my job for today and once I’ve done that, then I’ll be packing and off! Des wouldn’t want me to sit here and dwell on it, he’d say, “Alice, you can have a pity-party, but get it over and done with quickly and until we meet again, go and enjoy your life. Don’t be sad at what we had, smile and think about all those wonderful memories that we made.” I can just hear him saying it now.’ She smiled. ‘Life has a funny way of showing you that it’s for making memories and perhaps now is your time to make some new ones.’

  I thought hard about the last time I’d made a memory that wasn’t work-related and couldn’t for the life of me think of anything.

  We finished our tea and I said that I must get home, not that I had anything to go home to or for, but I felt like I’d already taken more of this wonderful lady’s time than I should. I bent to stroke Baxter and he licked my hand. He really was a sweetheart. I told Alice that my best friend Beth ran a doggy daycare business and might be able to look after Baxter while she was away.

  We exchanged phone numbers and I told Alice that I’d speak to Beth and be in touch. She gave me a gentle hug as we said goodbye. For the second time recently, I was reminded of the fact that people didn’t touch me very often. I lived alone and didn’t really see many people, and a hug was a rarity. It was actually really rather nice.

  ‘Be kind to yourself, Madison. You’ve had a massive shock and some major things going on in your life. Be easy on yourself.’

  As I walked home I wondered if the Universe was way cleverer than we gave it credit for. Whether people came into your life at a time when they were meant to for a particular reason. Alice had made me feel that perhaps being made redundant wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but maybe just a chance for me to have a bit of a shake-up of my life and make new memories of my own. And that thought actually didn’t seem quite as bad as it had an hour ago.

  I went home and threw a ready meal into the microwave. I knew that now I had more time on my hands, I should be eating more healthily, but right now I didn’t have the energy to cook. And I was pretty rubbish at it anyway. Flicking through the TV channels, made me realise how I didn’t really follow anything on TV so I opted for the first Bridget Jones film; I’m not sure whether it made me feel better or worse, but it did make me realise that crap happened to Bridget too.

  Chapter Five

  When I woke the next day, reality hit me again. I had no job, no income, no purpose, I felt like I had no identity. I needed to do something about it.

  The one thing I did have right now was time. For the first time in what felt like ages, I put on my dressing gown and slippers, plonked myself on the sofa with a bowl of cereal, grabbed the remote control from the coffee table in front of me and put on morning television. I didn’t normally sit down and eat breakfast, maybe grabbing a protein bar, sandwich or a low-fat flapjack along with a skinny latte from the local drive-through Costa or garage on the way to work. There was a feature on the show about a woman who had been the victim of domestic violence for years before one day murdering her abusive husband. I wondered what on earth the catalyst had been which tipped her over the edge. Her friends came on the show, talking about how they knew that something was going on, but she wouldn’t admit it, which got me thinking about how long she’d put up with his behaviour, and their backstory. It made me realise that I was always quite quick to judge people in situations such as this, and couldn’t believe that they let a situation go on for so long, but perhaps you just really never know what goes on in people’s lives and shouldn’t make judgements.

  * * *

  I decided that later I would pop over to Growlers and check out some more job sites on the internet. Perhaps I just needed to get straight back into the PR scene. That was what I would look at today, rather than trying something random and new. It would be nice to have some company, and I also wanted to see whether there was any chance of getting Baxter a place. I felt I should repay Alice’s kindness and wise words with the same. I was feeling so sorry for myself, I completely forgot yesterday.

  I texted Beth and asked if it would be ok to use the office, and she texted back.

  Don’t be long. Kettle’s on!

  When I arrived, Uncle Tom and Beth were looking very serious and I wondered what I was walking into. I soon discovered that Beth’s hospital appointment had come through and they needed her to go in a week on Monday for her operation. She was stressing about how they’d cope at the farm and kennels. The doctor had said that she’d be on crutches for at least four weeks, certainly not able to drive for a good while after that and would be needing physio for three months before she was back to work as she had a physical job. She’d be able to manage the office-based duties when she was feeling up to it, but was really worried about how they’d manage the manual work. Russell would do extra hours and at some point Alex would come over from America but it was quite short notice and he might not be able to come straight away.

  Beth put her head in her hands. ‘What are we going to do, Dad? God, I wish Mum were here right now.’

  Heartbreak and devastation had hit their family a week before Beth’s sixteenth birthday when Aunty Jen was tragically killed in a horse-riding accident. I knew how much Beth missed her mum, particularly when she needed to make a big decision in her life.

  He rubbed her shoulder and rested his chin on the top of her head. ‘I know darling. I do too. But we’ll sort it out somehow, don’t worry. You have to have that op and we’ll just ha
ve to manage. Let’s wait until Alex is up, he’s five hours behind, so we’ll call him after lunch and see when he can get here. We can’t really do anything until then. Then, we’ll make a plan.’

  She smiled back at him but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  I made a split-second decision. ‘I’ll do it!’

  They both turned to look at me and gave a double-take.

  ‘I’ll help!’

  ‘You? Really?’ Uncle Tom started to titter. ‘You do know this is a farm, don’t you?’

  ‘Ok, very funny. But yes, me. Why not?’

  ‘Darling you know we love you, but it’s not really your thing is it? Apart from mucking out the horses when you were a teenager, you’ve never been near a farm for years. Walking around in jeans and wellies all day cleaning up dog muck and cleaning out the chicken shed? That’s not really your style, is it? And I didn’t think you even liked dogs that much.’

  Beth looked thoughtful. ‘Wait Dad. Let her speak.’

  ‘Look, you need help. I have time on my hands. I have my redundancy money so don’t need paying. And honestly. Just how hard can it be?’

  Uncle Tom stood and hugged me. ‘Madison my darling, if you are really one hundred per cent sure, I think you could just be the answer to all our prayers. However, I do insist on giving you a wage for working here. We’ll sort something out that we’re all happy with.’ For the first time in a couple of weeks, I actually felt useful and knew that I would be able to help them. And that felt good.

  ‘Well, there you go then. All sorted. Now where’s that cuppa you promised me?’ Beth grinned and headed for the kitchen.

  ‘Thank you darling. This means the world to us. It really does.’

  ‘I won’t let you down, Uncle Tom. You both mean so much to me and it’s the perfect solution for all of us.’